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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26351875">colors don't lie</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanna1021/pseuds/Vanna1021'>Vanna1021</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Autistic Benrey (Half-Life), Black Mesa Sucks, He/Themrey, M/M, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Rating May Change, Self-Indulgent, Slow Burn, Trans Benrey, Trans Character, Yoga, and my first fic on ao3, but i am doing my best, im writing this because i made art and i need the story written down, no gordon tag because they aren't separated yet, this is my first fic in a while, very little understanding of yoga, y'all better buckle up</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 09:08:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26351875</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanna1021/pseuds/Vanna1021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of the game, Gordon quits his job at Black Mesa and tries his best to return to life as normal, but he just can't get over everything that happened. He knows it was all just a game/training exercise/Black Mesa experiment or whatever, but he can't stop thinking about it, especially when there's a very strangely familiar character in his yoga class...</p><p>Or: Black Mesa made HLVR as a training exercise as well as an experiment with AI, Gordon was the first and only test subject, and now he has to figure out how to deal with that.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benrey &amp; Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Gordon Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey! this is my first fic on ao3 which i'm really excited about! it's been a while since i've really written a fic in general, but i really hope you all enjoy! it really started with a drawing i did of benrey in fun workout gear and it's just...escalated from there. i'll post the pictures probably in the next chapter because they're a little bit spoiler-y right now... the title for this fic is a lyric in a song i wrote in benrey's perspective, so i'll post that here, too as soon as i get the song polished!</p>
<p>EDIT: accidentally put the chapter one notes for the entire fic, so i fixed that lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Well...this is where I get off... Goodbye, Gordon!"</p><hr/>
<p>His VR screen had already gone dark, no menu to go back to. It was just Gordon left alone with his thoughts. He was speechless. After everything had happened, he didn't know how to feel or what to do. It was a while before Gordon could do anything but sit on the floor. Eventually, whether it was minutes or hours, Gordon took off his headset, the inside wet. He wiped his face and stared at the headset in his hands. It was the first time seeing the real world in <em>weeks,</em> at least. He had gotten so accustomed to everything being low-poly, he had forgotten how detailed everything was.</p>
<p>He took a second to look at his surroundings: the room was very blank, nothing but a clothing hanger with clothes for Gordon to change back into and the setup for the...game? Training simulation? Horrible fucking nightmare experiment Black Mesa decided to put him through? Whatever it was, there wasn't much to it; it consisted of a Black Mesa brand computer, the VR headset, and Gordon's Virtual Emulation Hardware suit that allowed him to feel everything he was experiencing in the game. Gordon looked back down at his headset, hands shaking, then back to the computer screen. <em>What are you doing,</em> Gordon asked himself. <em>Turn off the game, so you can forget this bullshit ever happened.</em></p>
<p>Gordon finally stood up and walked over to the desk and saw a flash drive he hadn't noticed before. He looked around the corners of the room's ceiling before signaling he was going to change out of his VEH suit. Once he saw the camera's red light go off, indicating it had been turned off for his privacy, Gordon didn't hesitate to plug the flash drive in and download all of the simulation's data. While he waited for it to complete, Gordon started to remove the various wires connected to his suit that helped him to function while he was left in the simulation.</p>
<p>Afterwards, he took off the suit and went to the clothing hanger to put his regular clothes on. Gordon's brain was filled with so many thoughts that it felt like there was nothing but static. He was running on autopilot. When he finished getting dressed, he went back to the computer, now finished with transferring the files. He hesitated to eject the flash drive, a louder part of the static worried it would make everything go wrong. He shook his head, ejected the USB, and cautiously turned off the computer. He pocketed the new carrier for the simulation and left the room.</p><hr/>
<p>He quit on the spot. There was no way Gordon was coming back to this hell hole. He was forced to sign an NDA about his experience, but even if he did want to tell someone about what the fuck was going on at Black Mesa, he wouldn't know where to start, and he was sure no one would believe him anyhow. He packed up his stuff and went back home. He didn't really have any friends or even aquaintances at work, so there was no need for any 'Goodbye Party.' Gordon wasn't sure he'd be able to handle one right now, regardless.</p>
<p>When he finally got back to his apartment, he went straight to his couch and just lied there. He wasn't sure if he could sleep, but he needed time to process everything.</p>
<p>After a while, Gordon felt like he should probably get some food. He ended up just ordering a pizza, knowing he was probably not in a good headspace to cook. While waiting for his pizza, he called his ex to ask if Joshua could stay with them for a little longer while he recovered. They were concerned about Gordon, but he reassured them he'd be alright. Eventually.</p>
<p>After eating dinner and zoning out some more, Gordon actually checked the the clock for probably the first time since he had left the game. It was already past midnight, so Gordon elected to just. Try to get some sleep. Maybe his head would be clearer in the morning.</p>
<p>He put the pizza in the fridge--he forgot he had emptied it out to make sure nothing would spoil while he was doing his training, so pizza was really inevitable in the end--and started to head to his bedroom. When he saw his computer, though, he remembered the flash drive. He stood there for a moment, debating on whether he should wait until tomorrow to put it in his computer or just get it over with. Gordon figured it'd be best to download the game before bed to have it ready when he woke up, so he took the USB out of his pocket, booted up his computer, and plugged the flash drive into the PC. Unfortunately, Gordon's computer wasn't as high quality as the ones at Black Mesa, so it would take quite a while for the whole game to download. He left his computer on to let it do its thing and went to his bedroom. Gordon took off his clothes, got under the sheets, and was out like a light.</p><hr/>
<p>He dreamed of Chuck E. Cheese. He was still at the party, but something felt different. When he was originally at Tommy's birthday party, he felt so overwhelmed and honestly pissed that everything he had done was just leading up to a birthday party at Mr. Charles Entertainment Cheese's fucking <em>restaurant.</em> This time, though, it was just the science team and Tommy's dad (and Sunkist). They were laughing and sharing pizza, Bubby singing "Dr. Feelgood" on karaoke, Dr. Coomer beating up a punching bag to the beat, and Tommy excitedly flapping his hands just happy to be spending his birthday with his friends. He swore he saw a skeleton out the window, but maybe it was just paranoia. Either way, this felt good. It felt right. Gordon was smiling and laughing along with them, now celebrating with them like he should. This really was, as Coomer put it, some "birthday bash at the end of the world."</p>
<p>
  <em>The end of the world.</em>
</p>
<p>When Gordon realized the meaning behind those words, everything suddenly got darker. Gordon looked outside the window again and saw buildings outside despawning and an approaching black void. He panicked, trying to get everyone's attention to tell them to run, but he couldn't speak. The void was closing in, hitting the building already. Gordon tried to pull his team away to save them, but he soon realized the void was coming in from all sides. Dr. Coomer looked at Gordon, and though he was smiling, Gordon could see the fear in his eyes. It reminded him of when Coomer had gotten back from his journey outside Black Mesa.</p>
<p>
  <em>"THERE'S NOTHING THERE."</em>
</p>
<p>With that thought, Coomer disappeared into the blackness. Gordon tried to yell out for him, but he couldn't. Bubby was next, then Tommy, his dad, Sunkist. Soon there was only Gordon with the darkness creeping up on him. He was frozen to the spot. There was nothing for him to do but watch and wait for the end.</p>
<p>Suddenly, bright orbs of blue surrounded Gordon, encasing him, as he heard a calming tone. It was like they were holding off the darkness, easing his fear. Then, Gordon heard a voice speak.</p>
<p>"shh, calm down. it's okay. calm down. gamers don't die. they, uh," the voice paused for a moment. The orbs wrapped tighter around Gordon.</p>
<p>"they just respawn."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry this was so short, i'm going to make the next chapter a lot longer! let me know what you all think!</p>
<p>Edit: fixed up some spacing and word flow</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry for the wait, guys! i had some personal stuff that came up, so it was hard for me to write. i'll start working on the next chapter asap! thank you so much to everyone that's given kudos and comments so far, they all mean so much to me. it's been so long since i've written much, but i'm glad to see people can still enjoy my work ^^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gordon woke up sweating, tears staining his face. He ran to his computer. He hit the spacebar to wake up the monitor. The download had finished, and Gordon quickly plugged in his VR headset and booted up the game's file. He put on the headset, shaking. "Come on, come <em>on."</em> Gordon pleaded with his computer to load faster. When it finally did load, Gordon's heart sank.</p><p>A dark void stared back at Gordon. A completely empty blackness like Gordon's dream.</p><p>Gordon tried opening more files. There had to be something, <em>anything.</em> Every file he opened was the same. There was nothing there.</p><p>Gordon ripped off his head set, staring at it with disgust. He set it down, shaking. He slammed his fists down on the desk. More tears flowed down his face; anger, fear, confusion, and so many other emotions slammed into him like bricks. Maybe if he had been awake, he could've saved them, if he had been there, he could have done something, if only, <em>if only...</em></p><p>Gordon remembered the voice from his dream. The blue orbs. The <em>sweet voice.</em></p><p>"Benrey. Did. Did he do this?" Gordon remembered Benrey's speech about not wanting to be bad, but Gordon couldn't just trust that. When Benrey encased him with the calm voice, was Benrey keeping him from saving his friends, or were they protecting him? Was Benrey taunting Gordon about their immortality when they claimed gamers "respawned" instead of dying, or was he trying to actually tell him something? Gordon shook his head; he had seen Benrey in action. They were ruthless. They liked pissing Gordon off. Benrey must have done something bad to the others. Right?</p><p>An alarm went off on Gordon's phone that brought the distressed man out of his thoughts. Gordon gave one last look at his computer's black screen before he exited the game. He didn't turn off his computer, though, just to be safe. He headed back to the bedroom where his phone sat on his bedside table. Gordon had forgotten to turn off his alarm to wake up and get ready for work. The emotionally exhausted man grabbed a tissue from the box he kept also on his bedside table and cleaned his face. Well, if he was already awake, he might as well try to start his day. After realizing he hadn't showered in quite a while, he figured now would be a good time. He debated on opting for a bath instead, but he could have one later. He just needed to feel <em>clean.</em></p><p>Gordon took a long, hot shower to try and help soothe his muscles. It helped a little bit, but he still felt sore. His stomach growled, reminding Gordon he should probably get something to eat. He had almost just gone with the leftover pizza from last night, but he stopped himself. As awful as he felt, Gordon deserved better than cold pizza for breakfast. Since there wasn’t any other food in the house, the man decided to just make today a comfort day to help him get used to normal life again as well as distract him from everything going on inside his head. He really needed this break.</p><p>Going to his closet, Gordon found a nice, comfortable dad-rock shirt and some black sweatpants to wear. He also grabbed some softer socks and slip-on sneakers and put them on. As Gordon looked in the mirror, he noted he should probably shave at some point, rubbing his hand against his rough face. After he put up his hair with one of the hair ties he conveniently put around his bedroom door handle, Gordon grabbed his keys and wallet and left his apartment, locking it behind him.</p><p>As he headed towards his car, Gordon couldn’t help but have a strange feeling of being watched. He looked all around him, but there was no one else there. <em>Man, my nerves must be really fucking getting to me,</em> Gordon thought as he unlocked his car. He started up his dark blue Prius (<em>It’s great on gas, fuck off</em>), made a mental note of the main things he wanted or needed to do today, and put on some 80’s rock before heading to the nearby Denny’s.</p>
<hr/><p>Denny’s was...well, it was Denny’s. It was pretty busy, being breakfast time. It was a bit loud for Gordon, but he took a deep breath, steadying himself. Once he was seated, he ordered his drink and took in his surroundings. The restaurant had a nice atmosphere, families eating and chatting together, wait staff with cheery faces, and the lights weren’t too harsh; it made Gordon glad he was back in society. For some reason, though, Gordon still had a strange feeling of being watched. He looked around, but still saw no one.</p><p>Suddenly, a waiter set down a glass of Mountain Dew and an order of The Original Grand Slam™. “Hey, I haven’t ordered any food yet, I think you got the wrong order,” Gordon called out to the waiter, already leaving. The waiter, a tall man with salt and pepper hair wearing a wine red button-up, black slacks, and a black apron--<em>maybe a manager?</em>--paused.</p><p>“Oh, come now…everyone <em>loves</em> a good...Grand Slam™, Doctor Freeman…” With that, the ominous man started walking away. Gordon, in shock and confusion, blinked, and the man was gone.</p><p><em>Did I imagine that? That couldn’t have been…</em> Gordon turned back to his food. God, Gordon really needed to see a therapist. First the nightmare, now this? It had to be a hallucination or something. Black Mesa had to have put him through that experiment for some reason; maybe they were trying to figure out the fastest way to completely fuck over someone’s mental health.</p><p>His stomach growled again. <em>Maybe I’m just hungry,</em> Gordon thought, <em>I haven’t had a real meal in so long. That’s</em> gotta <em>fuck up a person’s psyche.</em> Gordon took a drink from his Mountain Dew and dug in. He had to admit, The Original Grand Slam™ was pretty damn good.</p>
<hr/><p>After he finished his meal at Denny’s, Gordon set out to do the rest of his tasks/self-care for the day. First stop was the grocery store. He hadn’t really liked going to the grocery store in the past, but it was so mundane and normal; it let his mind come away from Black Mesa, his nightmare from this morning, and his strange maybe-hallucination at Denny’s and focus on what vegetables he wanted to buy or why the price of meat is so goddamn high nowadays. They were little things, sure, but little things were what Gordon needed.</p><p>He headed home afterwards to put everything away. He appreciated the little tasks so much more now. After the shit he went through, Gordon couldn’t let himself be idle, couldn’t allow the chance of seeing someone he knew was not physically able to be there. He couldn’t let that darkness surround him again, dream or not. Black Mesa royally fucked him up, and dealing with it was hard.</p><p>Gordon’s body ached so much when he was done. He flopped down onto the couch and decided it’d be a good time to schedule a therapy appointment. He hadn’t been to therapy in a while, so he had to renew some information. Thankfully, it was a pretty quick process.</p><p>Near the end of the call, Gordon moved his position a bit and a sharp pain went through his back, causing him to yelp.</p><p>“Are you alright, sir?” The secretary sounded young--maybe early to mid 20’s. They were very polite throughout the phone call, and although that was probably a requirement for secretaries, Gordon felt like kindness was just in this person’s nature.</p><p>“Ah, yeah, just sore. I really need to stretch more or something.” Gordon rubbed at a knot in his shoulder.</p><p>“Have you tried any yoga? Sorry to intrude at all, I just also work as a yoga instructor part-time at a gym in town. We’re very accepting of everyone, and we have plenty of space for more members,” they offered, a brighter tone to their voice, now.</p><p>Gordon thought about it. He was a bit of a bigger guy, but he had been wanting to try getting into some more active hobbies; yoga seemed like a nice starting place. Although Gordon had more of a cool, 80s rock aesthetic he enjoyed, Gordon felt like he could also vibe with the gaudy workout outfits. Well, maybe not <em>super</em> gaudy, but still. “Y’know what? That sounds great.”</p><p>The therapist sounded even more excited which Gordon think yoga was more of a passion of theirs--or maybe they just wanted more people to join their group. Either way, Beaux--Gordon learned their name--gave him all the details, letting him know they actually had a session that evening at 5 if he wanted to come check it out. Gordon agreed, and Beaux thanked him.</p><p>When they hung up, Gordon checked the time. It was around 12:30, so Gordon set a quick reminder for 4:30 and made himself some lunch. Afterwards, he returned to the couch to give himself a moment to just breathe.</p><p>He was admittedly nervous about this evening: Gordon knew jack shit about yoga. Sure, there were the basics like downward-dog that he knew, but other than that? Gordon was completely new to this. He was already a wreck from everything that’s happened in the past month. Gordon didn’t want to appear like a complete fool in front of people he could interact normally with.</p><p>Gordon put his head in his hands, taking deep breaths. He had to continue to tell himself that everything would be fine. He wasn’t in the game anymore. He didn’t have to worry about aliens around every corner. Gordon needed to focus on the positives.</p><p>He got up and turned on his Nintendo 64, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time already in the console. This was supposed to be Gordon’s comfort day; there was nothing more comforting than just playing a Zelda game.</p>
<hr/><p>Eventually, Gordon’s alarm went off, letting him know it was about time to get ready for yoga. He saved his game and turned off the console, stretching as he got up. His back sounded like a bowl of Rice Krispies; Gordon had a feeling he might need a little bit more than just yoga, but it was a start. He went into his bedroom to change into something more appropriate. He didn’t have a lot, but he found some black leggings, some orange shorts, and a matching orange tank top. After he put everything on, Gordon grabbed a zip up Alice Cooper jacket so he didn’t feel as exposed. He looked at himself in the mirror, smiling a bit. This was going to be good for him. He could feel it. After he put together a bag with a towel and some spare clothes in it, Gordon headed out to the gym.</p><p>Thankfully, the gym was pretty close to Gordon’s apartment; he didn’t even need his car. Nerves hit him like a bus as he entered the building, though; everyone looked like they knew what they were doing. Gordon went up to the check-in desk.</p><p>“Hey, I’m here for the 5pm yoga class?” Gordon rubbed at the strap on his bag, needing to do something with his hands.</p><p>“Sure, what’s your name?” The brunette secretary looked at Gordon, waiting.</p><p>“Oh, uh, Gordon. Gordon Freeman.” He stood a little taller, trying to make himself seem more confident.</p><p>“Alrighty, Gordon, that’ll be right over there,” she indicated towards a room with the door open. Gordon could see a couple people with yoga mats inside. Shit, he forgot about yoga mats.</p><p>“Thank you,” Gordon replied, walking quickly towards the room. He knew he was already cutting it close on time. The person at the front of the room smiled at him, waving.</p><p>“Hey, you must be Gordon! I’m Beaux, and I’m so glad you made it!” Beaux turned to address the others. “Everyone, this is Gordon, he’ll be joining us today.” The rest of the class smiled or nodded. Gordon looked at them all; he already felt overwhelmed as he was put on the spot, but it was fine. He turned his attention back to Beaux.</p><p>“Um, where should I put my stuff? Also, I, uh, forgot to get a yoga mat.” Gordon shifted a bit, nervously.</p><p>“Oh, that’s alright, it happens all the time. You can put your stuff in the back, and I have yoga mats in the corner back there. If you want, you can also set up next to Ben. He joined yesterday, so you both should be around the same level.”</p><p>“‘sup.” Ben raised his hand, and as soon as Gordon saw him, he had a very strange and familiar feeling hit him. Ben had dark blue hair that was pulled up in a rat tail. He had vitiligo, dark and light olive tones splattered all over his body. His outfit was even gaudier than Gordon’s: a near neon green crop top with the word “fresh” in all caps on it, yellow arm warmers, pink and white short shorts, and orange leg warmers. Gordon nodded a bit in greeting, still a slightly shocked expression on his face, but he looked away, heading towards the back to put down his stuff and grab a yoga mat. He set up next to Ben, and looked over at him again.</p><p>“like whatcha see?” Gordon jolted a bit and blushed, taken by surprise at the shorter individual’s question. “haha, just kidding. i know i’m kinda funky lookin’. it’s all good, bro.” Ben put his focus back towards Beaux.</p><p>Gordon nodded, not really knowing how else to respond. He followed Ben’s lead, though, looking back at Beaux. They smiled knowingly at Gordon before officially starting the class. This was going to be a long evening.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope you all enjoyed!! i tried to make this chapter a lot longer to make up for the first chapter, which was hard, but I can finally share the benrey design that started this whole thing!</p><p>https://twitter.com/strwbrrymrvl/status/1303180277988995073?s=20</p><p>the original drawing is on the left, and the right is a more detailed picture of how he looks when gordon sees him for the first time! i'm still working on how to draw backgrounds well, so it's just the character. i still hope you all enjoy! i'll be working on the next chapter after this, so stay tuned!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yikes, sorry it's been so long since i've updated this fic! i've been struggling with college and such, but i was finally able to get this one out! i really hope i was able to keep the same tone as my previous chapters and i tried to stay in character to the best of my ability. i hope you enjoy either way!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Taking away the anxiety of just getting out of a traumatic experience (and job), the slight embarrassment from doing yoga with a group of people, and the weird deja-vu Gordon was feeling near his (admittedly attractive) new yoga acquaintance, Ben, the class went pretty well. Beaux officially started the class by telling everyone to focus on one aspect they wanted to work on for the rest of the session, whether that be openness, patience, relaxation, healing, or “whatever word feels right to each individual.” As soon as Gordon heard the word, “healing,” it just stuck. He’s been through so much shit, and it’s gonna take a hell of a lot of healing to recover. Gordon looked back over to Ben, trying to figure out what to do next.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben may have only started the day before, but they certainly seemed like they had more of a grasp on this whole yoga thing. Their eyes were closed, facial expression relaxed. Despite this, their breathing seemed… off somehow. There were times when Ben would breathe out and not take another breath in for a while, almost as if they forgot to. Gordon shook his head--maybe it was just because Ben was more active or something. People’s bodies work differently, he’s probably just overthinking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Gordon let himself close his eyes (save for moments he didn’t fully understand the movements and had to look at Beaux) and really take in everything. Focus on that “healing.” He took deep breaths, letting his anxieties fall for the moment. By the end of the session, when everyone was lying in corpse’s pose, he could honestly say he felt at least a little bit better. His mind had cleared for the time being. Everything was okay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...And whenever you feel ready, come up out of your corpse’s pose,” Beaux says in their very warm and gentle tone. Everyone begins to stand at their own pace, Gordon standing with the majority of the class. Ben still laid on the ground, eyes closed and breathing slow. He returned his attention to Beaux when they began to speak again. “This concludes our session for the day. It was lovely seeing you all today, and I wish you all health, happiness, and safety when returning home. Namaste.” Beaux put their hands together as if in prayer near their heart and bowed their head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Namaste,” repeated the rest of the class, Gordon following a beat behind. He looked back over to Ben, doing the same motions and responding while still laying down. <em>Huh. They must be really into this,</em> Gordon thought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the students began to file out of the room. Gordon stayed behind, still sort of intrigued by Ben, and Beaux motioned him over to talk. “So, what did you think?” Beaux still had a very tranquil tone, but Gordon could pick up on a slight bit of excitement in their voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was nice, I gotta say I definitely feel better than I did before I came,” Gordon smiled, keeping his tone a little quieter as well; it just didn’t feel right to talk too much above a whisper. “When’s the next one? And, uh, are these, like, paid sessions or-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no,” Beaux interrupted, “these sessions are available to everyone, no payment required. With how expensive therapy and other self-help programs are nowadays, it’s the least I can do to offer some sort of stress-relief program to those that need it. As for our next session, we have them on Fridays and Saturdays at 5pm every week unless posted otherwise. You don’t have to come every session, we’re very relaxed about everything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gordon nodded, smiling as he took everything in. “Wow, that’s awesome that you do that, first of all. I’ll plan on coming in next Friday then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great! I’ll see you then! It was great meeting you, Gordon.” Beaux started working on packing up all their things. Gordon nodded and headed back to his stuff, Ben still lying on the floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After Gordon made sure he had everything, he gently stepped closer to Ben, kneeling down. “Hey, uh, are you good, man?” The prone person slowly blinked their eyes open to see Gordon over them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“huh?” They took a moment to process Gordon’s words. “oh, uh, yeah, all good, bro. just kinda vibin’, y’know? should probably get up though…” Ben sat up a bit and stretched. Gordon stood and offered his hand to the other. Ben looked from Gordon’s hand to Gordon’s face a couple times before actually taking the man’s hand and standing up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gordon started rolling up his mat to return it to where he got it. “So, are you new around here? I don’t think I’ve seen you around before,” Gordon asked, trying some small talk to maybe figure out a little more about this intriguing individual.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“kinda. i, mm,” they looked around, seemingly trying to find the best way to phrase their words. “i was at a… super mean place kinda near here. moved here yesterday to get away.” Ben nodded, satisfied with his explanation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yeah, I get that,” Gordon spoke as he put away his mat, “I feel like this is a pretty solid town. Everything’s pretty close knit, easy to find good communities.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“yeah, seems nice, just, uh…,” they put away their mat as well, grabbing their stuff. “‘m kinda shit at socializing i guess. thought i was super great at it, but i fucked up big time last place i was. so this is like. second save slot. fix the bad shit.” Gordon laughed a bit at Ben’s phrasing, but nodded in understanding. While they talked, the two walked together to the parking lot of the gym.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s fair, man, good for you.” Gordon looked around, noticing how dark it’s gotten. He also notices a lack of cars in the parking lot. “I take it you walked?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“uh, yeah, i don’t have a car or anything,” Ben shrugged, nonchalantly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay, well, I can walk you back to your place, if you want?” He kind of hoped Ben would accept; even though he’d just met Ben, he liked talking with them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“nah, i don’t really, uh, have a place.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gordon paused, brow furrowing. “...What do you mean you don’t have a place?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben shrugged again, head slightly tilted. “i dunno, i just kinda find places wherever. it’s no big deal, bro.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“<em>No big deal?</em>” Gordon ran his hand through his hair. <em>Fuck it.</em> “Dude, listen. I’ve got plenty of room in my apartment if you want to stay there for a while.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben’s eyes widened. “whuh?” They took a moment to process it, confusion and disbelief on their face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, you can totally say no, too, man, I know we just met and shit, but you shouldn’t be just staying on the streets,” Gordon backtracked a bit, knowing he can come on a bit strong. It just didn’t feel right to him to not offer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“but, i… you…” The shorter person looked up at Gordon, something in their eyes that Gordon couldn’t put his finger on. “you’d really do that for me, bro?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, man, don’t worry about it. It’s not too far from here, just a few minutes.” Ben blinked a few more times in disbelief before he nodded, agreeing to Gordon’s proposition. “Great, I have a guest bed you can use, I just have to make sure it’s all cleaned out, shouldn’t be too long.” Just then, Gordon’s stomach growled. “Oh shit, we should get dinner or something, too. Pizza okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ben took a few seconds, trying to process all this information coming at him. “uhhhhhh, yeah, pizza all good, bro. don’t care about toppings, whatever’s good.” They were walking again, this time towards Gordon’s apartment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great, I’ll call them when we get there.” Gordon smiled at Ben, keeping an eye on them. After a moment, Ben nodded and looked back up at Gordon, giving a very small smile back.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>another kind of short chapter, sorry, but i will be doing more! i have a lot of different things planned for this fic, and i'm very excited to get to them all! thank you all so much for your kudos and comments, it really means so much to me. i love to write, and it's been so great to get back into it, and i'm glad others are enjoying my writing, as well! i'll also probably post some more art in the future with personal headcanons, scenes from the fic, as well as my designs for original characters like Beaux, so be on the lookout! thank you again, everyone!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The walk back to Gordon’s apartment was short, only about 5 minutes, but it was nice. The street lights lit up their surroundings in a soft orange color as Gordon and Ben walked in a comfortable silence. Ben was still processing everything that was going on, playing with the edge of their shirt to stim. Gordon’s apartment was on the first floor of the complex, so not much walking was needed; he was pretty thankful for this as some soreness was starting to settle in. “Well, here it is, man. Make yourself at home.” Gordon put his keys on the hook near the door and turned on the light as Ben walked in, looking around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“yoo, nice pad, bro.” Their eyes landed on the Nintendo 64. “oh shit, you’re a gamer?” They immediately went over to look at the console, checking out the games they could see. “damn, you’re a nintendo man? on that loz train,” Ben asked, pronouncing the acronym as “lawz,” making Gordon laugh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, man, I don’t have much, but I’m big on older games and shit.” Gordon walked over to the gaming cabinet under the TV, opening it to show off some of his other games. “You can go ham, I’ll go ahead and order some pizza.” Gordon got his phone from his bag, pulling up the number for Domino’s. He held his hand to the speaking end, looking back at Ben. “You sure you don’t have any preferences or something?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben shrugged, looking at the games to find something to play. “nah, bro, i haven’t, uh, really had pizza that much before, so i’m down for whatever.” They pulled out Conker’s Bad Fur Day, intrigued. They closed the cabinet and replaced Ocarina of Time with Conker, turning on the console and looking around for the remote to turn on the TV.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gordon furrowed his brows. “Shit, really? Alright, guess I’ll get a couple different ones for you to try.” He walked over and got the remote from his seat, handing it to Ben as the worker on the other line finally picked up; Gordon went back to the kitchen to check the Domino’s menu he had up on the fridge. “Hi, yeah, could I get a medium, regular crust Hawaiian, a medium, regular crust pepperoni, a large thin crust pizza with salami, pepperoni, mushrooms, provolone, and parmesan, and a 2 liter of Coke?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the other room, Ben was having a lot of feelings. First, Gordon offered to let them stay over, and now he’s getting them a bunch of pizza? Just because they said they haven’t really had pizza before? It made them feel so…so…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before they could stop it, a few orbs of peach and sky blue colored orbs of light escaped Ben’s lips accompanied by a very short sung note. They quickly covered their mouth, waving the balls away and quickly turning on the TV.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were a few seconds of silence, Ben waiting anxiously, trying to calm himself down, swallowing a spectrum of emotions and turning their focus on the game. “Okay, thanks,” Gordon ended the call from the kitchen. Another pause. “Hey, did you hear that noise, too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“uh, i dunno, i’ve been checking out this game.” <em> a+ benny boy, </em> Ben thought to themself, <em> you got this. </em> “haven’t played this one before. seems pretty cool.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gordon shook his head and took a breath. <em> It’s fine. Everything’s fine. </em> “Yeah, it’s a good one.” He sat down on the couch next to Ben, still seeming a bit shaken up. Ben’s still on the main menu, looking around at all the different options in the game’s pub.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“dude, even the main menu is cool. it, uh...gets ya in the zone and shit.” They click on the “Multi” option, sending them into a room with different barrels with some more options on them. “yoo, they got multiplayer, you wanna play?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, I think I’m good for now, man, I’ll just watch.” Gordon rubbed the back of his neck, still feeling like something was slightly off about Ben. <em> Stop worrying so much, your nerves are just getting to you, Gordon. Just chill. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“dang, suit yourself then,” Ben leaves the “Multi” room to go back to the main game selection screen. They finally decide to click on the “Game 2” option, looking back over at Gordon. “hey, um…you good?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine man, don’t worry about it.” Gordon gives Ben a smile, trying to quell their worries. “Just been a kind of weird time for me, no biggy. Come on, I wanna see your reactions to all this shit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“alright, bro, whatever you say,” and with a press of a button, Ben entered the game. “let’s fucking gooooo!”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Ben had been playing for less than half an hour when there was a knock at the door. They and Gordon were laughing and commentating on the game, getting more and more comfortable with each other. Ben’s eyebrows were furrowed, frustrated they were still stuck on the first section. “Don’t worry about it man, pizza’s here. Be right back,” Gordon pat Ben on the back as he stood up to go to the door. Ben paused the game, leaning back, folding his arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“man, this game is haaaard, i’m still only on the first level, bro. not fair,” they pouted. However, as soon as Gordon opened the door, Ben perked up, smelling the pizza. Gordon paid and thanked the driver, making sure to give a good tip, took the pizza and Coke, and closed the door, making his way back to the couch. Ben’s eyes were wide, clearly excited. “yooo, that smells good as hell.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, Domino’s has some pretty good pizza. Take your pick, man.” Gordon opened the boxes, nodding when he saw they all came out right and looked great. He grabbed one of the slices of Hawaiian, digging in. Who cares if pizza’s been his main meal for the past few days? It tasted good, and it was his self-care day, dammit, he could do what he wanted. Plus, Ben hasn’t had pizza before, so he figured it was a win for both of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben decided to go for the thin crust pizza, taking a larger edge piece. Once he took a bite, their pupils got larger and looked down towards the slice. “holy shit. this is so fucking good, holy shit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gordon laughed, happy to see his new friend enjoying themself. “Hell yeah, it’s one of my fav’s. Just decided to throw some of my favorite toppings on there, and it was probably one of my best decisions.” He finished up the piece he had and grabbed on of the thin crust pieces, sighing as he took a bite. Ben took a few more pieces of the thin crust, finishing quickly, then went for the regular pepperoni. It wasn’t as good as the other one, but it was still pretty nice pizza.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they were finished, they had eaten a little over half of each pizza, most of those slices going to Ben. They leaned back, content and relaxed. Gordon moved the pizzas into one box, throwing out the empty boxes and putting the full one in the fridge. He hadn’t bought a whole lot, so the box fit in pretty easily. Coming back into the living room, Gordon yawned and stretched. “Oof, I think I might head to bed pretty soon. Did you wanna stay up for a bit, or do you want me to show you the guest room?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben thought about it for a moment. “umm, probably a good idea to take a sleep. been a, uh, big time for me.” They got up to get the remote, turning off the TV and then the console. They grabbed their bag and turned to Gordon, cocking their head to the side slightly. “okay, uh, lead the way, bro,” they said, once again fiddling with the bottom of their crop top.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, man, just this way,” Gordon led Ben to a spare room near Gordon’s own. He opened the door for his guest, showing a cool blue room with a queen bed with darker blue sheets, the head placed against the wall. There was a toy chest at the end of the bed and an aquatic themed rug on the floor. A red and orange quilt was also placed on the bed, some cowboy prints used for the squares. “Sorry, this is usually my son’s room when it’s my week.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben checked out the room, hopping up on the bed which was very comfortable. “‘s all good, he’s got good taste.” Gordon smiled softly at that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, he’s a good kid. Well, I’ll leave you to get settled. Night, Ben,” Gordon yawned again, his own tiredness encouraging him to hurry up and get to bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“night, g. don’t let the, uh, bed bugs bite and shit,” Ben let themself fall onto the bed, taking in just how nice it was. Gordon chuckled at his newfound friend and gently shut the door, heading to his own room. It was certainly a big day for Gordon, what with his weird hallucinations and letting a person he met only a couple hours ago stay in his apartment. There was just something about Ben; he couldn’t quite put his finger on it (and maybe he could, but it had to just be some coincidence, right?). He shook his head, getting changed out of his tacky yoga outfit and into his pajamas once he got to his room and closed his door. Everything was working out just fine. He didn’t have to deal with Black Mesa’s bullshit anymore. Gordon would probably have to deal with some things in therapy or something, but no dark thoughts tonight. It’s been an overall good day, and he deserved some sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Benrey, on the other hand, had their mind racing as soon as Gordon closed the door. This was all so much. They couldn’t really complain, but there was this fear in them that they said too much, that eventually they won’t catch their sweet voice in time, that they’ll be too on the nose about their time at Black Mesa, and everything will be bad again. Benrey didn’t want to be bad, he didn’t want things to go back to the way they were. Despite that, he knew he had to tell Gordon at some point. It would be bad of them to just let Gordon believe this was some new person. They were going to tell them. At some point. But for now, this--being cared for and getting to have fun with the guy they’ve been hopelessly pining after this whole time--this was nice.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>peach to blue like the sky above means i feel loved.</p>
<p>hope you all liked this chapter! next chapter, i think i'm gonna have some flashback stuff, so stay tuned! thank you all so much again for all your comments and kudos, it means so much to me. i'll probably be posting some art for this fic soon on my art twitter, so be sure to check it out at https://twitter.com/strwbrrymrvl (i'm also happy to chat and stuff there, so hit me up if you want)! i'll see you all soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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